So the end of promos somewhat marks the end of J1, other than PW, there’s basically nothing left to do in J1. I can’t believe 9 months of 2012 went pass SO quickly. It felt like it was just yesterday when I attended my first lecture as a J1.
Crazy. The past 9 months+ have been crazy. The only thing I’ve to say is: JC education made ‘O’ Levels look like a joke that tests our stupidity. I knew JC is gonna’ be tough, but honestly, I didn’t expect it to be THIS tough.
The first 3 months were disastrous enough. But back then, I still had the strength to hang on. I’m glad I had. The accumulation of emotions, feelings, dejections, dismay and disappointment is crazy. I guess the accumulated negativities for the past 9 months has changed some things in me. I’ve friends who actually told me that I’ve changed and I’m no longer someone with the never-say-die spirit. Damn, I think so too. Honestly, I don’t remember myself being so weak and easily defeated. For months, I’ve been asking myself, “What the hell is wrong with me? Since when did “give up” exist in my dictionary?” I wish I knew what went wrong.
Ms Chen said, “In JC, most people strive for their own goals, making them selfish. Secondary school is really where you find true friends. Maybe not so much in JC.” Something along that line. Well, I thought it was so in the beginning. But I guess after this whole promos thing, I beg to differ. Honestly, I’m more than thankful for S14, the Truggers and some others. Through promos, I realize there are people who actually care and want the best for one another. Without the people I’ve met in JC, I wouldn’t even bother to try for promos. Not forgetting my old pals who have been so encouraging, loving and supportive of me since Day 1. I’m truly blessed and I can’t ask for more. :’)
I really have no idea what to expect for the results. I think I’ve been a disappointment all these while. I hate myself so much for this. Sigh. If I’m given another chance to start 2012 all over again, I promise to make every single opportunity counts. Now, everything seems so bleak and I really have no expectations. To be honest, I’m not even scared of what’s going to happen to me next year. But the one and only reason why I don’t want to retain is because of the people I’ve met this year. Sometimes I wish I’m a solo. At least I won’t feel emotionally attached to anyone and then retaining wouldn’t be a problem. But I guess what worries me most are those people around me. I just hope that no matter what the outcome may be, everyone will hold themselves together and stay strong; My earnest prayer. I hate myself for not being able to do anything to help when my friends feel so helpless and lost. Sigh. I’m such a lousy friend.
Honestly, whatever that I said are like an understatement. The fucked up 9 months of 2012 is indescribable. I guess I’ve really changed. Changed into someone so weak. Can’t possibly ask me to stay positive after bottling up so many things for so many months, right? Hmm.
Alright. I can’t wait for the results. I want to face it as soon as possible. I just hope that everyone’s going to be strong. Please.
If I get promoted, it must have been Daddy God. Honestly. And if I retain, I thank God that He has been by my side, cheering for me and making sure I’m not alone to face all that has passed. Daddy God, thank You.
2012 is a fuckery. WORST year in my 17 years of life.
Right now, I think I deserve a good sleep.
You. Yes you, angel with a shotgun. What am I suppose to do now? I’ve been trying to let go but to no avail. Not much time left and I’m still feeling so attached. This heartache is seriously killing me alive. I wish I hadn’t make the move to find out about you. How did I even feel so attached to you in the first place? Wish I had the answer… It’s gonna’ hurt really really really bad. 9 more days. Just by writing this paragraph is making the tears well up in my eyes. I wish I could do something.
Hi, stranger. We’re strangers that crossed path.